What A Mess

I hid that treasure beyond your reach,

Or so I thought.

Deep within my chest I hid it with long lies

That walk circles around your ears

And chase your thoughts from the question

“What have you done?”

Or so I thought.

I hid it for my lusting eyes.

I hid it for my salivating, greedy palms,

For my destructive passion,

For my angry dissatisfaction,

Rotting sanity,

And sinking identity.

And as my legs submerge lower under my own fears,

As my knees buckle under the weight of this pride,

I cling tighter to what I hid.

Because letting go would be admitting something,

But I don’t know what that is yet.

Easier? 

Yes, it would be easier letting you in behind these bars,

I would breathe you in 

And light would soak into the wounds.

The darkness would be confused

And would flee from my lungs.

It would cry out of my ears,

Leap from my shoulders,

And fall from eyelashes.

My knees would be relieved from their shaking,

My mouth from this thirst,

And my mind,

Behind my eyes,

My heart from behind my chest,

Would leak out from the binding, drowning, suffocating 

Lies I tied around them

And I would find rest.

But, I can’t get enough breath.

I can’t get enough strength

So I can’t get enough courage

To simply put the air behind vocal chords

To whisper out the words of what I’ve done.

So there you stare,

Refusing to leave.

Your shadow kissing your feet

As you stand in the insults I left piled around your ankles

That I rehearse into the crying mirrored image at night.

And here I stand, 

Slowly dying,

My soul shaking in the skin of my starving desire for simply

No more fear.

I hid that treasure beyond your reach,

Or so I thought.

But you still found a way to love this mess,

Again.

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